How to relieve the stress of divorce

For some people the stress of going through a divorce can be overwhelming.

There are lots of relaxation and stress relieving techniques and my favourite two are as follows:-

1. Breathe

Concentrating on your breathing has an amazing calming effect. Breathe in for 7 seconds. breathe out for 8 seconds and repeat this 4 times and you have concentrated on your breathing for one minute. Your racing mind will have slowed down.

Getting into the habit of breathing deeply helps you switch off. Doing this twice daily really can help.

2. Picture your perfect day
This form of visualisation is fun and helps to draw you out of your worries.

Imagine where you would wake up? What country are you in? Who are you with? George Clooney? The key to the success of this form of visualisation is to add the detail. Imagine the colours, what you are wearing, what the weather is like ,what it sounds like. Are you by the ocean or skiing perhaps? Have you just cashed in your winning lottery ticket?

Whatever your dream it's your perfect day and this provides an escape where you can return to every time you need to relax.

What are you doing for Christmas?

I have changed my blog back to black because I like it! Despite what all the marketing gurus say!

I am sorry I have not been blogging. I have not had much spare time this year due to my gorgeous son and still working full time. He wants a balloon for Christmas and I am going to get him a year's supply. If only everything could be that simple.

All children should be excitedly anticipating Christmas!!!!

The tug of love over Christmas continues in many divorced families. This is probably the most important day in a child's Calendar - we can all remember our early Christmases- hopefully they are special memories.

It is not too late to make a Specific Application to Court if necessary.

Each family has their own tradition and children need to feel secure, loved and wanted.

All too often agreements are breached - letting dad have the kids next year feels far enough away but as the time draws near then excuses start to materialise.

Getting two sets of presents does not make up for mum and dad not being together. Feeling torn between your parents is not a good Christmas spirit.

How to tell if your ex is jealous

What happens when your ex tries to cause trouble?

Lots of people in this world are jealous - it is obvious to everyone except them!

Here are some examples of jealous behaviour:

Following your ex or his/her new partner

Calling your ex's new partner

Hitting your ex or his/her new partner

Continually criticising your ex

Trying to make other people dislike your ex

Gossiping about your ex or his/her new partner

Criticising your ex's new partner to your ex

Getting your children to spy on your ex

Breaking into your ex's home

Using your children as a way to maintain acrimony with your ex

If you tick yes to 3 or more of the above then you need to change your behaviour and try to get over your ex!!!!!

Stay Married then!!!

An article in the Daily Mail cites Mr Justice Coleridge as stating that the Government should encourage people to stay married! That divorce has reached epidemic proportions!

Only marriage can mend broken Britain!!

This Government's taxation policies positively encourage divorce.

For example - An average family in England

A couple with 2 young children aged 5 and 7 with the mother staying at home to look after the children. The Husband takes home £2000.00 per month. The mortgage costs £400.00 per month for their 3 bedroom house. The house is worth £200,000.00 but they could not sell it in the current economic climate and the mortgage is £120,000.00. The husband has a pension worth £150,000.00

The wife decides the marriage is over and gets a part time job.

Her new life

A single mother with 2 children, working 20 hours a week, earning £600.00 she receives another £700.00 in tax credits. Her ex husband will pay her £400.00 per month in child support under the CSA assessment. She rents a room out to a single female friend who helps with the baby sitting and gets another £350 per month tax free. The mother now nets £50.00 more per month than when her husband was at home! She can go out when she wants, has a nice little part time job where she has a good laugh with her work mates and she has lost a stone and a half in weight! She treats herself to a new hair style!

The house is transferred to her but her ex husband stays on the mortgage. He gets to keep his pension.

His new life

He now rents a 2 bedroom flat, sees his kid every other weekend and has to do all his own washing and house work. He is tired a lot so does not go out chasing women as much as he thought he would. He misses his children.

The children's new life

They miss their dad a lot but they do not miss the fighting and mum's constant nagging and moaning about her weight. When they see their dad he spends time with them - something he never did before. They do not like mum's new boyfriend.

Does any of this make sense?

The working tax credit system is a divorcing wife's charter!!!!

Not happy with your divorce settlement?

Sorry I have not been blogging recently - I have been engulfed in all things baby!

The credit crunch has worsened many people's financial situation and the possibility of returning to Court looms large. If you are seeking a variation of maintenance then a change in circumstances may indeed signal an appropriate time to make such an application.

If you are seeking to overturn a capital order then the courts are very reluctant to allow the change in the markets to be regarded as a sufficient intervening event. The certainty of litigation, the fact that assets can increase as well as fall, means that you take your chances. Would Mr Myerson have gone to Court requesting an overturn of his divorce settlement if his assets had doubled in value offering his wife millions more? No... but it still feels like rough justice.

Now maybe a good time to get divorced financially if you are the spouse intent on retaining the house and you are the spouse with no bonus etc. Financial worries do put pressure on a marriage.... today's economy needs an inventive approach to the new economic landscape many people are now letting out the former matrimonial home for example.

Lots of people are also postponing their wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to feel good!!!!

If life is getting you down because you have just been told that your spouse wants a divorce or you have been made redundant try buying some flowers!!

I give myself a treat every 3 hours and drinking a latte looking at a vase of flowers is lovely.

Treats so far today ( my day started at 5am) :

1. 1 LATTE

2. 15 HUGS WITH BABY

3. CHAT WITH BEST FRIEND

4. CUDDLE WITH BOYFRIEND

Treats planned for tonight:

1. Listening to Barack Obama's inauguration speech

2. 1 hour's knitting (still trying to finish baby shawl).

3. 2 episodes of Gavin and Stacey

Not your idea of a treat? What is? Go do it. SO many people waste SO much of their time being miserable. Just because life is not going your way is no reason not to focus on what you enjoy doing and do it. It will make you feel better - I promise.

I saw 4 bird watchers with binoculars on the way back from the baby clinic. How hideously boring I thought - but they all had big smiles on their faces. WHAT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE - GO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trapped by the credit crunch?

There is an assumption that the recession will result in an increase in the divorce rate as money worries force relationships to collapse under financial pressure.

The dive in house prices has left couples adrift with consent orders that cannot be implemented and a change in outlook is needed. I foresee that there will be an increase in orders in which one party retains the house and the other has a charge on it and that there will be an increase in spousal maintenance orders - less assets available to purchase a clean break!!!

What happens when couples can't afford to divorce? Maybe we will go the way of Southern Ireland - when it was difficult to get a divorce they divided the house in two - I predict that lots more people will live separate lives in the same house and there will be an increase in planning applications to convert houses into flats!!!

It's so easy to fall in love!!!

Oh no there is a general feeling of despair created by the collapse of the global economy. And it is January! Plus it is very cold and the news is focused on the war in Gaza.

How to be positive? The best cure is to fall in love then see what a positive spin you put on things.

It's minus 6 outside -good it will kill off the over population of rats.

No money. Well you want to stay in and be in a cocoon with your loved one anyway.

It's January -which means that Valentine's Day is looming!!!!

How to fall in love?

That's easy - all you need to do is find your soulmate!

How do you do that?

I think you need to be massively attracted to someone on a physical level which is fueled by a similar mental attitude and cemented by the same sense of humour. It is called chemistry. You know you are in love when you fancy someone more that anyone else you have ever met and he/she makes you laugh out loud. Some people spend their whole life searching for that special someone. Are they just extra fussy?

Life is miserable for all sorts of reasons for many people right now - if you are going through a divorce and separation then the sense of loss, failure and anxiety can be overwhelming. I am convinced that whatever crisis you are facing in your personal relationship it is possible to recover and be happier once you are through the practical side of the breakup. The key is to want to be happy - so many people don't - they are labelled as bitter and are to be avoided at all costs!!!

I was going to post a picture of my gorgeous boyfriend whom I adore but this one is funnier as the guy in the background is picking his nose!!!!!!!!!!!