How to tell if your ex is jealous

What happens when your ex tries to cause trouble?

Lots of people in this world are jealous - it is obvious to everyone except them!

Here are some examples of jealous behaviour:

Following your ex or his/her new partner

Calling your ex's new partner

Hitting your ex or his/her new partner

Continually criticising your ex

Trying to make other people dislike your ex

Gossiping about your ex or his/her new partner

Criticising your ex's new partner to your ex

Getting your children to spy on your ex

Breaking into your ex's home

Using your children as a way to maintain acrimony with your ex

If you tick yes to 3 or more of the above then you need to change your behaviour and try to get over your ex!!!!!

Stay Married then!!!

An article in the Daily Mail cites Mr Justice Coleridge as stating that the Government should encourage people to stay married! That divorce has reached epidemic proportions!

Only marriage can mend broken Britain!!

This Government's taxation policies positively encourage divorce.

For example - An average family in England

A couple with 2 young children aged 5 and 7 with the mother staying at home to look after the children. The Husband takes home £2000.00 per month. The mortgage costs £400.00 per month for their 3 bedroom house. The house is worth £200,000.00 but they could not sell it in the current economic climate and the mortgage is £120,000.00. The husband has a pension worth £150,000.00

The wife decides the marriage is over and gets a part time job.

Her new life

A single mother with 2 children, working 20 hours a week, earning £600.00 she receives another £700.00 in tax credits. Her ex husband will pay her £400.00 per month in child support under the CSA assessment. She rents a room out to a single female friend who helps with the baby sitting and gets another £350 per month tax free. The mother now nets £50.00 more per month than when her husband was at home! She can go out when she wants, has a nice little part time job where she has a good laugh with her work mates and she has lost a stone and a half in weight! She treats herself to a new hair style!

The house is transferred to her but her ex husband stays on the mortgage. He gets to keep his pension.

His new life

He now rents a 2 bedroom flat, sees his kid every other weekend and has to do all his own washing and house work. He is tired a lot so does not go out chasing women as much as he thought he would. He misses his children.

The children's new life

They miss their dad a lot but they do not miss the fighting and mum's constant nagging and moaning about her weight. When they see their dad he spends time with them - something he never did before. They do not like mum's new boyfriend.

Does any of this make sense?

The working tax credit system is a divorcing wife's charter!!!!

Not happy with your divorce settlement?

Sorry I have not been blogging recently - I have been engulfed in all things baby!

The credit crunch has worsened many people's financial situation and the possibility of returning to Court looms large. If you are seeking a variation of maintenance then a change in circumstances may indeed signal an appropriate time to make such an application.

If you are seeking to overturn a capital order then the courts are very reluctant to allow the change in the markets to be regarded as a sufficient intervening event. The certainty of litigation, the fact that assets can increase as well as fall, means that you take your chances. Would Mr Myerson have gone to Court requesting an overturn of his divorce settlement if his assets had doubled in value offering his wife millions more? No... but it still feels like rough justice.

Now maybe a good time to get divorced financially if you are the spouse intent on retaining the house and you are the spouse with no bonus etc. Financial worries do put pressure on a marriage.... today's economy needs an inventive approach to the new economic landscape many people are now letting out the former matrimonial home for example.

Lots of people are also postponing their wedding!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to feel good!!!!

If life is getting you down because you have just been told that your spouse wants a divorce or you have been made redundant try buying some flowers!!

I give myself a treat every 3 hours and drinking a latte looking at a vase of flowers is lovely.

Treats so far today ( my day started at 5am) :

1. 1 LATTE

2. 15 HUGS WITH BABY

3. CHAT WITH BEST FRIEND

4. CUDDLE WITH BOYFRIEND

Treats planned for tonight:

1. Listening to Barack Obama's inauguration speech

2. 1 hour's knitting (still trying to finish baby shawl).

3. 2 episodes of Gavin and Stacey

Not your idea of a treat? What is? Go do it. SO many people waste SO much of their time being miserable. Just because life is not going your way is no reason not to focus on what you enjoy doing and do it. It will make you feel better - I promise.

I saw 4 bird watchers with binoculars on the way back from the baby clinic. How hideously boring I thought - but they all had big smiles on their faces. WHAT WILL MAKE YOU SMILE - GO DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trapped by the credit crunch?

There is an assumption that the recession will result in an increase in the divorce rate as money worries force relationships to collapse under financial pressure.

The dive in house prices has left couples adrift with consent orders that cannot be implemented and a change in outlook is needed. I foresee that there will be an increase in orders in which one party retains the house and the other has a charge on it and that there will be an increase in spousal maintenance orders - less assets available to purchase a clean break!!!

What happens when couples can't afford to divorce? Maybe we will go the way of Southern Ireland - when it was difficult to get a divorce they divided the house in two - I predict that lots more people will live separate lives in the same house and there will be an increase in planning applications to convert houses into flats!!!

It's so easy to fall in love!!!

Oh no there is a general feeling of despair created by the collapse of the global economy. And it is January! Plus it is very cold and the news is focused on the war in Gaza.

How to be positive? The best cure is to fall in love then see what a positive spin you put on things.

It's minus 6 outside -good it will kill off the over population of rats.

No money. Well you want to stay in and be in a cocoon with your loved one anyway.

It's January -which means that Valentine's Day is looming!!!!

How to fall in love?

That's easy - all you need to do is find your soulmate!

How do you do that?

I think you need to be massively attracted to someone on a physical level which is fueled by a similar mental attitude and cemented by the same sense of humour. It is called chemistry. You know you are in love when you fancy someone more that anyone else you have ever met and he/she makes you laugh out loud. Some people spend their whole life searching for that special someone. Are they just extra fussy?

Life is miserable for all sorts of reasons for many people right now - if you are going through a divorce and separation then the sense of loss, failure and anxiety can be overwhelming. I am convinced that whatever crisis you are facing in your personal relationship it is possible to recover and be happier once you are through the practical side of the breakup. The key is to want to be happy - so many people don't - they are labelled as bitter and are to be avoided at all costs!!!

I was going to post a picture of my gorgeous boyfriend whom I adore but this one is funnier as the guy in the background is picking his nose!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome Baby Rhett

Sorry I have not been blogging recently but I have been totally swept away by the new addition to my family! As soon as he was born it was like magic and this song by U2 keeps buzzing through my head!

Wish you were 21 again?

This is my daughter at her 21st birthday bash - obviously taken early in the proceedings!

If you are going through a traumatic divorce and have been married for a long time and divorce is not what you want and you feel he/she has robbed you of the best years of your life and you don't see any point in bothering to even put on a brave face and you will never trust anyone again and you think everyone is out to deceive you and there is no pleasure in anything anymore and you have got nothing to look forward to and you are so angry and so miserable and nobody cares. Try this:

1. List everyone you know. Next to their name give them a score - nice or nasty only on a 50/50 basis - they don't need to be perfect. I bet you know more nice than nasty people. Erase all the nasty ones from your life - they will simply make you feel worse. If one of them is your ex - minimise contact.

2. List all the people you know who make you laugh. Spend more time with them.

3. List all the people you know who simply want to moan or gossip - get rid of them.

4. Next write down all the people you know who could do with your help - emotional, practical is anyone you know lonely?

5. Now write down all the people you love. Maybe there are a few friends or relatives who live far away that you have neglected. Now is the time to give them a call and arrange a visit.

You have now sorted out your Christmas card list and the main players at your funeral and hopefully you have moved on from your own distress albeit briefly.

Remember, most people are not evil - they are just weak and insecure - forgive them their inadequacies and move on!!!!

When is it too late to reconcile?

When the feeling's gone!

One of my ex boyfriend's sent me this shot of him out enjoying himself with 3 rather drunk or tired looking companions and I still think he's gorgeous but we broke up more than 8 years ago! Somewhat strangely 2 other exes from over 10 years ago have also contacted me recently. Is it the credit crunch - is it causing everyone to break up and look back with nostalgia?

Some people do reconcile successfully - a current celebrity example is Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton - but most people just make a mess of it all over again.

If you are thinking of trying to turn the clock back consider this:

1. Why did you initially split? Were there valid reasons?

2. What's changed?

3. Do you actively miss the person or are you just going through a barren patch on the dating front?

4. Are you over him/her or has that candle always been burning?

5. Have you loved anyone else more since?

6. Are you just flattered at the interest?

7. Are you hoping to play it safe? - better the devil you know type thing....

Whatever you decide remember that dating should be fun and exciting - he/she should add some dazzle to your smile and if it's boring - time to move on!!!

Sorry I have not been blogging recently - I have been all over the place - literally.

Labour to force fathers to be named.

Does anybody like a busy body? By that I mean those awful, interfering, nosy gossips who spend their whole time trying to tell other people how to live their lives. They think nothing of glibly telling one how to run one's business, love life, home......whilst any close examination of their own situation would leave most people thinking they would never take their advice. However, these people don't wait to be asked for advice or they would wait for ever.

The labour party has become a classic interferer in my opinion. Their time should be spent sorting out their own dismal party. Instead they have decided to legislate that all mothers should be forced to name the father on the birth certificate of their child. Apparently 50 000 children are born each year in Britain and the father's details are missing. Why? Is it not obvious - because either the mother or the father or both do not want his name on the certificate. Why is that then? I can think of a number of reasons:

1. Rape (these men are known as animals)
2. The mother does not know who the father is - either because there is more than one candidate or the parties did not exchange names (these women are often called slags and the men players)
3. SIR (Shag I Regret) unofficial social work term which means that the mother made a mistake and is usually accompanied by -
4. The father does not know of the birth
5. The parents are not speaking - usually because of the pregnancy and the father has already done his best to force the mother to have an abortion (these men are known as PIGS)
6. The pregnancy was an accident - perhaps the father is already in a relationship with someone else (these men are known as bas..... and the women as bitches)

Already there are a lot of judgements made by society attached to single motherhood. Now labour want to force fathers to take responsibility for their children by putting their name on the birth certificate. If only life were that simple! If the mother or father does not comply they will be fined £200.00. Big deal, just take it off my benefits and the only one that will get hurt is the newborn.

The work and pensions secretary James Purnell has outlined his proposed legislation and it is hilarious. See the attached article in the Daily Mail

Mothers who do not want to name the father will have to have GP, Social worker or police backing to prove domestic violence - does Mr Purnell know how much the police cannot stand being dragged into domestic disputes, how overworked they are, how women usually endure 36 episodes of violence before they call the police, how difficult it is to get a conviction? But women will have to prove domestic violence. How? Will there be another trial? Who will be the judge? The registrar?

Apparently, if the mother claims she does not know the father she will have to convince the registrar. How? I suggest that the only way a registrar would know whether a woman was lying or not was if he was there at the point of conception!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Government's aim is to make the collection of child maintenance easier!! Given that the Child Support Agency has failed dismally in collecting from the absent fathers they do know about (95% of absent parents are fathers) then adding to their to do list is not going to increase the amount of money collected.

At the moment it is a relatively straightforward process to register a child's birth which must be done within 42 days of the child's birth and, if the parties are not married the father must accompany the mother or sign a statutory declaration that he is the father. Will they start issuing temporary birth certificates until a full investigation into the mother's claims has taken place? Will the police be sent to arrest a reluctant father who does not want to attend? Will a judge sign the declaration on his behalf? Will the mother have the right to simply name who she chooses? The potential litigation is boundless!!!