Thursday, April 26, 2007

Room for a little one?

The increasing numbers of step families has produced pressures which no doubt have increased the number of second divorces. One of the main concerns when mixing 2 families together is to ensure that everyone has a space of their own. This can be difficult and problematic. There is an interesting article in The New York Times which outlines the need for everyone to feel a part of the new environment, no place for me means no place in the family, type issue. Space does not have to be a bedroom of one's own, but efforts to make everyone feel that it is their home too are essential.

An overemphasis on the practicalities is no substitute for good parenting. It is important to remember that the children have been forced into a situation they do not want and having all the latest gadgets and a beautiful room is not going to make them feel blessed. I remember putting my stepson to bed when he was 5 and he seemed sad so I commented how lucky he was to have a lovely room at his mum's house and his dad's house. He replied " I do not see how that is a good thing."

Space of their own will help children feel welcome but the challenge is to help them recover from their loss.............

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

At what age can a child decide whether or not to see a parent?

It depends on the judge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some judges say you can't force a 9 year old, some judges say that the child should do as they are told. They can make orders to that effect but who is going to physically force a 10 year old out of a car and into a room with his absent parent?

What are the CAFCASS guidelines?

It states that the Court will take account of the child's wishes and feelings, bearing in mind his/her age and understanding. It's website has some useful guidelines for parents, children and teenagers:


The primary concern of the Court and CAFCASS is stated as what is in the child's best interest. That is the aim, working out what it is and getting it right is another matter................................

Thursday, April 19, 2007

How do you make love last?

According to Dr Thomas Stuttaford in The Times there are 3 stages to a successful long term relationship which can be scientifically measured by functional MRI brain scans:

Stage 1

Lust. Lasts between 1 to 2 years (remember we are talking about successful relationships, clearly lust can dissipate after one date and many people have suffered that social worker term S.I.R. - shag I regret)

Stage 2

Acceptance. Lasts up to the eighth year. Couples acquire shared interests and goals and nest together.

Stage 3

Firm friendship. Starts from the ninth year and lasts a lifetime. Or not...........................

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Separation keeping you awake?

If the anxiety surrounding your divorce and separation is preventing you from sleeping try reading this blog:


It is written by a young Australian and is thought provoking and profound. Either you will become engrossed and diverted.... or it will send you to sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

It's a sad day for rich wives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A High Court judge has ruled that a divorcing wife of a millionaire cannot expect compensation beyond her needs and has awarded a clean break (final settlement) of £13 million. As reported in

The message to all rich wives is clear - spend more - prove you need a new designer handbag a week, shop in the style of Victoria Beckham and hopefully he won't even notice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A wealthy divorcee was launched back into the circuit in Surrey a few years back and the social preening was funny to watch. A camp gay guy made a play for her, as did a happily married man (with his wife's blessing - her comment - "What's 5 years apart if we get £5 million at the end of it?").

The second message to all rich ex wives - make sure you take out a Pre-Nuptial Agreement before you marry again - don't make the same mistake your ex husband made!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, April 02, 2007

How to give up smoking and other life changing events

I have now given up smoking for over 3 weeks. I have successfully established myself as a non smoker and scowl at people smoking in the street. I can smell it a mile off and feel sick at the thought of lighting up. How did I do it? Easy. I decided I wanted to give up. Bit early days to be so smug but time will tell.

How can this help you in your divorce?

Recognise that a lot of your behaviour is your choice. You may have to work to earn a living but the rest of the time you have control over what you do and what you think. Your wife is having an affair? Don't think about it, instead think of your best holiday ever and plan the next one. Your husband has been abusive to you for years, what about getting a dog? Seek something out that will give you pleasure rather than focus on the past and the pain it has caused you.

Recognise that no matter how bad things get you can control your reaction to events. Your life may feel totally out of your control but it is not.

Recent research has shown that people who get divorced feel happier after 2 years and do not regret their decision


That is not to suggest that all couples should divorce, merely that those who do consider that it was the right decision for them. Hopefully, this should provide some reassurance to those who are scared of what their life will be like after divorce....................better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!