Monday, April 26, 2010

Divorce Workshop

I have set up a new blog Divorce Workshop to discuss the Divorce Workshops which I am holding.

The purpose of the Workshops is to help people decide how they want to proceed with their separation. There will be question and answer sessions throughout the day and there will be plenty of insights. The Workshops will be full of practical tips and cover all the options - such as Mediation and Collaborative Law

I envisage the courses will be suitable for people who want to handle their own divorce and also for those who are undecided as to whether they want to divorce at all and for those who are uncertain as to whether they need to instruct a solicitor. No matter what stage of the process people are at the Workshops will help them understand.

If you want to know the answer to questions such as "Should I move out of the house?" or "Should I change the locks?" then the Workshops will help.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Bankruptcy and Divorce Double Trouble

There is a big difference between £400 million and zero, the varying estimates of Mr Young's worth. Mrs Young is divorcing him and he has now been declared bankrupt as reported in The Daily Mail . This must emphasise that timing is the key and how life can change dramatically.

The most obvious signs that your partner is in financial difficulties are:

1. A lot of credit cards
2. A request to remortgage
3. A lack of mail as it has been redirected elsewhere to avoid detection.

Some people pretend to be working when they are not and pretend to be financially successful when they are not. The shocking discovery of a lot of debt puts a strain on most marriages. The advice for people forced into this situation is to get out as soon as you can. By doing so it is possible to limit the financial damage.

What to do when your partner has been unfaithful?

Finding out you partner has been unfaithful can be traumatic.

There are 3 choices:

1. Ignore it

(more popular than you think)

2. Lament about it

3. Deal with it

The third option can be broken down into:

a. End the relationship

If this is not your choice but is forced upon you by your partner you may end up in 2 above above.

b. Stay together but make the other person suffer and yourself miserable.

Eventually your partner may get tired of the dog house and again you will end up in 2 above.

c. Forgive your partner and move on together.

This is the most difficult option and its success depends on the level of deceit and whether both parties want it to work.

There are degrees of unfaithfulness and some people do change but others remain players forever. Unless you are particularly unattractive and boring and penniless there are plentiful opportunities out there. The more successful you are the more opportunities you have. That does not mean to say you should take them. Tiger Woods can buy and eat all the chocolate in Harrods but he's not going to because he values his fitness too much. In the end your fidelity rating places a barometer on how much you value your relationship and that is what makes your spouse get up and go no matter how much he/she loves you.

Why do I need a Consent Order?

A Consent Order is the legal document which finalises financial claims on divorce. There is normally a clause which states " in full and final settlement of all claims which either party has against the other". Without this the door is always open to go back to Court to make a claim.

Who does not need a Consent Order:

1. Anyone with no money or assets and no prospect of earning money or assets, including a pension in the future

2. Anyone who fully trusts their ex.

A Consent Order is filed with the Court and checked by a Judge. If the Judge has any questions or concerns he will either write to the parties or call them in for a Hearing. Once a Consent Order is sealed by the Court it is very difficult to have it set aside.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Feel like running away?

A solicitor was struck off last month for committing mortgage fraud. Unsurprisingly he was not at the hearing because he has disappeared with £8 million!!! Obviously planned his escape and has probably used some of the cash for plastic surgery to change his look. I imagine he will get caught because he won't be able to resist flashing his cash, unless of course he is in a cave in Afghanistan. When do people turn to crime? Was that his dream when he was a 7 year old?

What about people who get divorced? No doubt the end of their dreams and the change in their future makes a lot of people feel like giving up. The stress can become unbearable and make some want to run away. But where to? I fancy France myself. However running away does not solve the problem it merely gives you a whole new, perhaps worse, set of dilemmas.

Instead of running away try changing something small. Relax into the stress and allow matters to take their course. Control what you can control. If you always jog every day - stop and eat a packet of crisps instead. If you never do any exercise get up an hour earlier and go jogging -don't put it in the too hard box do it - start slowly and change the pace, have walking periods, both to ensure you don't overdo it and because variety increases the impact on fitness and weight loss. Do it at 5 30am so no one sees you if you are embarrassed. See easy.

Watch Ruthless People -Bette Midler's role is inspiring and Danny Devito is hilarious.

What else can't you do? Make a list. Everything can go on it apart from - I can't cope.

Work through the list and tackle each one in turn, take the next small step to get to each goal and you will feel great. Powerful, independent, capable and excited. Each day will present exciting opportunities to meet new people.

Divorce? What Divorce? Change your focus and you will forget all about it!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Is getting married again a sign of optimism?

The Guardian reports that rumours that Liz Taylor is set to remarry are being denied. Her propensity for marriage has attracted ridicule but why? She exhibits a determination to keep trying - is that not standard advice from successful entrepreneurs? The failures are what teach one how to succeed.

A neighbour of mine once said that choosing to remarry is a compliment to your departed (she was talking about widows) and that those who choose never to marry again obviously had a very bad experience!!!

I admire both Liz Taylor and Joan Collins - they are glamorous and successful and have exhibited choice. Residential homes throughout the country are full of aged, lonely singles and there are also lots of people trapped in longterm relationships with someone they would rather be without. I know who I'd rather emulate!!!

Saturday, April 10, 2010

How long does it take to get over a divorce?

According to a survey in the Daily Mail about 17 months.

What is getting over it?

Some people are bitter for ever - rude to their ex, jealous of their new life, pleased if they fall on bad times. The only way you know you are truly over it is to genuinely feel a fondness for your ex and to enjoy good memories not wallow in the bad. Your reaction to this thought will determine just how over your ex you are!!!!!

Monday, April 05, 2010

Why Get Divorced?

There should be only one reason - because you have tried every reasonable route to compromise and you cannot stand living with your spouse any longer.

In the end the consideration as to whether you can sacrifice your own life for the sake of others, for money, for penance for misdeeds in a past life, for a reward in a future life, for fear of failure or change, for your career, for money, for the dog will be outweighed by your need to escape your current situation and only then should you consult a divorce lawyer.

The answer to the question - How do you know when you are in love? - is -

You know.

The answer to the question - How do you know if you should get divorced ? - is the same.