Monday, January 21, 2008

Childhood keepsakes

When you feel dreadful and stressed remembering jems that your children said can make you laugh and feel great. It is a good idea to keep a memory book - very American and organised but so wonderful to look back on in decades to come:

Here are a few entries I have made for my 5 year old son this week:

On talking to his granddad on the phone:
"I am having shepherd's pie for dinner. Do you know how you make shepherd's pie? Well you take real shepherds, kill them, cook them and then sell them in a shop called Tescos".

When I asked him to lift the loo seat when going to the toilet:
"Don't worry mum, my willie can stretch over it!"

When one of my friend's asked him how long he had had a hole in his school trousers:
"Fifty years!"

"Fifty years, you're only 5!"

"Yes, but I have been 4 for a very long time!"

It can be very easy to slide into bitterness and despair when going through a divorce. Feelings of resentment and waste can overwhelm. It can also feel impossible to communicate with your children. Start a project together:

1. 1000 piece jigsaw
2. Patchwork quilt
3. Research family history
4. Create a photo album
5. Start a football team
6. Teach them to swim/ride a bike/ice skate/fish

If all else fails go to the movies! Most children love it including teenagers!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Over the Christmas stress?

One of the huge benefits of being divorced is that you can do what you want at Christmas! You don't have to spend time with in laws or even your partner!

This Christmas my daughters and I spent the day on our own in Primark pyjamas with no make up, drinking bucks fizz and eating all day. It was great!!!!!!

If you are still reeling from a celebration that seemed to suit everyone else around you but left you feeling used, isolated and miserable, make an extra New Year's resolution that next Christmas will be yours!

My 5 year old son spent the holidays with his father which he loved. He is still talking about it - he had a bath every day so he thinks he has convinced me he never has to wash again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not letting your children experience the most important day of the year with the other parent is selfish and damaging to your children ( unless there is violence or abuse which is totally different). No matter how much you hate your ex it goes without saying that children have a right to a loving relationship with the absent parent (usually their dad) and spending Christmas Day with him helps a lot!!!!

Thursday, January 17, 2008

How to have fun with your kids.


Bake a cake
Build a den
Go for a walk in the woods

Do not mention.......
lack of money
your loneliness

Do mention.......
their great spelling test result
how well they ride a bike
that you love them
that you like them

Put yourself in their place...swap roles...can you remember what it was like to be 7?
What did you think of your mum and dad? How would you feel if your mum stopped you seeing your dad? If your dad hit your mum? Remember it forever?
Life is about progress....aim to be a better parent.....

Must go and make my son a tuna fish sandwich and check out his den!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Why do people get divorced?

Usually because they have married the wrong person!

Does your partner bring joy or sadness into your life?

Does your partner make you feel relaxed or tense?

Are you interested in everything your partner has to say or have you heard it all before and it is soooo boring?

Do you respect your partner or think that he/she would be better off in another century on another planet?

The most important one of all...............

Do you really fancy your partner?

Did you ever?

The picture above is of the happiest couple I know. They tick all the boxes.

Getting divorced is sad and lonely.........staying married to the wrong person is sadder and lonelier but.................... if there are children of the union every effort should be made to make it work otherwise you are simply passing the sad and lonely baton on to your own children!!!!!!

Friday, January 04, 2008

How to cope without your mate

If the dreaded separation is looming and you have had it forced upon you by your unhappy partner it is important that you fill your time as much as possible. Staying home alone to reflect on your loss will make you feel worse. Go out with your friends, if you have lost touch - contact them, if you haven't got any - make some.


1. Work colleagues - arrange a drink after work.
2. Take up a hobby - salsa, football, adult education.
3. Get to know your neighbours.
4. Get involved with the parents at your children's school.
5. Give something back to your community - join a protest group against some development project, local theatre group, local library.
6. Visit the next county.
7. Start running in the morning.
8. Buy a pet - it's amazing who you meet at the vet's!
9. Join Friends Reunited.
10. Contact lost relatives.
11. Go to a different supermarket - speak to one new person every day.
12. Be friendly - smile - listen to other people's concerns.
13. Go to the cinema, theatre , pantomime.

Liz Taylor invited 1000 of her closest friends to her 70th Birthday party. That is a completely over the top PR exercise but you can have as many friends as you want!!!!!!

No friends - your choice!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Enjoy your Christmas?

Spending fun time with friends and family can bond couples together and add fond memories to their loving relationship. It can also make unhappy couples realise just how unhappy they are!!

If this is you and you want out then the most difficult first step is telling your partner. Some people engineer an argument, some ask a third party to sit in the room, some agonise for weeks and some just blurt it out.

The next step, working out whether to separate, divorce, where to live, what happens to the children, the finances, can be overwhelming and the pace is usually set by the one who initiates proceedings.

Divorce exists because people don't want to be together any more. Some people regard this as selfish, some as a signal of the breakdown of the moral backbone of our society and some as the evil machinations of divorce lawyers!

Some people choose to divorce, some have it forced upon them, some people accept it and some people fight it.

Trying to work out what went wrong and why can drive you mad!

Here is some simple advice from me as a divorce solicitor:

1. It takes 1 person to initiate a divorce but 2 people to engage in a battle.

2. Some people are unreasonable and impossible - you know if you are married to one of these and deep down you know if you are one of these. If either or both of you are like this your divorce will be worse.

3. It is not easy to get divorced - do not expect it to be.

4. If you pay for legal advice at least give it due consideration.

5. If your partner has bullied you for years get some emotional support through your divorce to ensure that you are no longer bullied post divorce, especially if you have children together.

6. Work out your bottom line and don't go below it.

7. Keep busy - depression looms for those who dwell on their fate over much

Here is some simple advice from me as a divorcee:

1. It is worth going through it to come out the other side.