Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Men and their double lives

An increasing number of women are reporting an incidence of men deceiving them with the double lives syndrome. No longer content with simply having an affair a greater buzz is to be acquired by pretending each girl is the only one.

CLUES:

1. Over the top flowery text messages.

2. His phone goes off radar after 7pm or he always calls on his way home.

3. You don't know his home address or home phone number.

4. He manipulates arguments late at night and storms out.

5. He has a hobby which takes him away from home.

6. You haven't met any of his family or he claims they are all dead.

7. Something doesn't add up - he is still in business with his ex partner or he has left his bike/dog at her house.

8. When on the phone to you he suddenly hangs up and claims there is a problem with his phone/battery.

9. He suggests impossible dates - he invites you over when you have your best friend from South Africa staying, he asks you to go to Paris with him for the weekend when he knows you are working.

10. Eventually you are invited to visit his flat which he shares with his mate and there are none of his personal possessions on display. Most men are untidy, so a pristine room suggests he doesn't actually live there.

Next time your intuition warns you that something does not add up - believe it, and next time a man asks you for your phone number exchange home numbers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11 comments:

Lee Doyle said...

Ever thought of doing a "Wommen and their double lives"? Or is it just they are better at it and men dont go blogging about it too much?

Orhan Kahn said...

Lynne, wow. The last two posts are simply great! I'm certainly not humouring you when I say great advice.

Lynne Bastow said...

Lee Doyle,

No, because in general women do not need to lead double lives as there are enough men out there who are prepared to accept a relationship based upon sex, which is why women have affairs instead.

Lee Doyle said...

So really most women are slags? I love your double standards.

I think personally we are both as bad as each other... Forget about our sex...

And would a affair not be seen as a double life? I would have thought you would be the perfect person to ask.

Lynne Bastow said...

Lee,

I have not made a judgement upon which is worse, leading a double life or having an affair. Neither have I stated that all men lead double lives or that all women have affairs. The difference is that an affair usually involves an element of collusion whereas a double life involves deceiving both partners.

Karen said...

I lead a double life now. I didn't start out this way, a professional, filed for divorce, didn't date for years. Our divorce turned out never was legitimate 2 1/2 yrs later, we had since became friends again, have children, and I had finally started to see someone. I never told him as it would devastate him and this was while under the guise of being divorced(7 months into the new relationship). Husband very controlling and dominate yet great all around man, stability and me for him as well. We know each other, 15 years together. We've done the yoyo thing for years. My boyfriend of 1 yr, loves what I love, accepts me for me but is much younger and irresponsible not demanding nor degrading but also a money pit. I'm in the middle at the very moment and can't say I feel good about it. For the first time in years I feel like I'm living again having an accepting boyfriend another chance to put my family back together or be myself.

Anonymous said...

I'm going through somebody doing this to me and somebody else right now. Over a year with me and 4 with her, 2 long distance. We are both ending it with him and I wonder if it even matters to him. Will he just do it again? Did he even care about us or the fact that he hurt us? A lot of big questions. How did we get here. Big clue you stated is not having any personal mementos, pictures, possessions, things I gave them lying about or displayed. Traveled for 'work' a lot more than anybody else in the company, excuse was that they were the owner of the company. It should make sense that they could pay somebody else to travel if he 'wanted' to stay home with me so much...

You mention the increase in these occurrences. I wonder why... Social environment, technology just making it easier?...

Anonymous said...

I have just found out that the man I opened my heart, my soul and my life to his deceptive. He has been leading a double life and maybe a triple life....I have just approached my 50th year, along with being single for 13 after 2 long term relationships that had integrity, honesty and love...I became very lonely...then he came along...he certainly is not perfect...he has deceived me emotionally. After speaking with him he knew what he was doing..he admitted to lying to me because I did not want to be friends I wanted it all and instead he manipulated me into believing him, he lied, he manipulated me, situations..I have spoken with a pychologist who stated people who live double lives live in a fantasy world that does not offer the truth of life which is honest, integrity, emotional depth with compassion and caring for the other..they lack intimacy abilities and do not have the capacity to understand or even care how they are affecting the other...it is a game of fantasy and a game of having multiply stories that play out at the same time with no real substance. I have now to work through my betrayal and I am so devastated..do not know what was real..it was all a lie..he knew from the start I had principals and values. The psychologist said this is worse then an affair. In the double life every one is a secret and everything is a lie...he is the player and me and the other women have been his puppets..he is an extreme narsisit and possibly a socio-path...no feelings for the other only for himself. I have been smart all my life and picked good, loving men who were honest and believed in the trueness of the human bond. If anyone condons a double life they are surely misguided in the greatest sense...now I pick up the pieces of my heart and my faith in humans and hopefully I can rebuild faith again.

Anonymous said...

Lynn bastow
There are just as many women out there that based relationships upon sex too, not to mention money. A good enough reason for men to justify a so called ''double life''. I have been in both positions, having lead a ''double life/ affair(same thing) and had my spouse only with me for financial stability and sex, while she had a ''simple'' affair. Who is at fault?

Anonymous said...

im 37 years old and have been played by a man 4 2 years he has been seeing me and his x at the same time and lying to us i have known 4 a while what has been going on but just cant nail him. it has distroyed my confidence and ruined my love 4 life and men anyone who does this does not seem to realise the distruction it causes.

Anonymous said...

I have spent 8 years with a man. Started when he was married...Anyway, he then began to say he was separating and divorcing his wife in 2007. I listned and followed through. But it never seemd to end, and there were no emotions around it and he refused to discuss it with me. In the end I asked for proof..it took him hundreds of quarrels and storming out of the house etc before he finally, a year later, gave me the docuemnt stating he was divorced. When I had given an ultimatum and ready to leave him!
Still things seemed unreal...2+2=5...So a month ago I hired a private detective to find out his real civil status. There's no other way to find that if the man lies...Came back: MARRIED! Turned out he had fabricated with a graphist the divorce document! Can you believe that? my life is shattered and I do not know any longer what I lived was true or false, where the lies are...