Divorce - Separation

TYPICAL QUESTIONS ON DIVORCE.

SHOULD I DATE WHEN TRYING TO GET A DIVORCE?

No

SHOULD I SMOKE?

No

SHOULD I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS?

Do you feel anxious all the time? Do you worry about the future so much that you can't concentrate at work or enjoy time with your children? Do you burst into tears for no reason? Do you have thoughts about suicide or feel that life has no point?

If any of the above apply to you it is worth visiting your G.P.

WHY DOES EVERYONE I SPEAK TO WANT TO KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG IN MY MARRIAGE?

Just as when you get married, everyone asks when you are going to have a baby, so when you separate everyone feels they have a right to ask for details, even specifics about your sex life. It helps to talk things through with a few close friends, for everyone else, a standard "It's too painful to talk about right now." should do the trick.

SHOULD I TELL MY NEW PARTNER HOW MANY PEOPLE I HAVE SLEPT WITH?

If you are getting divorced you should not be dating, but.......

If you are a woman and it is more than 7 - NO

If you are a man and it is less than 7 - NO

SHOULD I WEAR A MINI-SKIRT?

If you are over 35 - NO

If you are under 35 and your thigh measures more than 19 1/2 inches at the widest point - NO

If you are a man - PROBABLY NOT

SHOULD I READ MY TEENAGER'S MAIL ?

If you want to find out something unpleasant and destroy the trust in your relationship forever -YES

Otherwise - NO

HOW DO I HELP MY CHILDREN COPE WITH THE SEPARATION?

Spend time with them, resist the urge to go out and get drunk. If you are no longer living with them, keep in regular contact, if they are old enough send them text messages and e-mails. Do not date, and do not criticise their other parent. Do not share your worries about the future with them, either financial or emotional, they cannot support you in this, but will feel even more anxious and helpless than you.

I DON'T WANT TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE SO WHAT IS THE POINT OF GOING TO RELATE?

Counselling helps couples and individuals deal with their loss, the breakdown of their relationship and moving on. Even if the divorce is your choice, it is likely that you will feel guilt and remorse for the pain you cause others, and sadness at the loss of your previous life. It is especially useful if you are the spouse who has been left. The divorce is often forced upon you, and you will be trailing behind emotionally, sometimes hoping for a reconciliation, even when your spouse has left you for someone new.

WHAT CONSTITUTES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

Any behaviour that you would not tolerate from a stranger in the street, verbal abuse, pushing, shoving, spitting, attacking someone with a broom, throwing food, wine or anything that comes to hand. None of the above is normal behaviour, honest.

WHY CAN'T I DATE WHEN IN THE MIDDLE OF A DIVORCE?

Lots of people do, but it increases the acrimony, and causes extra pain for your children. Research suggests that it takes 2 years to get over a divorce emotionally, and that any relationship pursued in the meantime will probably be transitional. In the words of Guns n' Roses "All we need is a little PATIENCE............".