What do you do when you find out he's having an affair?

The agony of discovering that your partner has been unfaithful leaves you with a big unanswered question. What am I going to do about it?

THE CHOICES

1. Nothing.

This is the preferred choice of the financially and emotionally dependent and the desperate.

2. Confront him/her with a view to saving your relationship.

This is for those who still love their partner or for those who need to win him/her back from his/her new lover and then dump him/her. You may not realise this is your agenda, one woman who has gone through such a scenario, wrote an excellent five part series in:

The Daily Telegraph

3. Confront him/her and end the relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This my preference because:

a) Everything is harder the first time you do it. Remember learning to drive? A second affair is easier to justify to yourself than a first. Men/women who stray, tend to stray again. There are plenty of celebrity examples.

b) There will always be people out there who prefer winning someone else's love, if your partner can't resist temptation now, what's going to change? I know a woman who is married to an extremely rich and successful business man. She spends her life shopping for luxuries and always looks fantastic. He, by contrast, looks vile. When friends have suggested to her that she should apply her skills to his wardrobe and appearance she refuses, estimating that she cuts out at least 75% of the potential maneaters by making him look unattractive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

c) If you take your partner back he/she is expected to be repentant and grateful. Frequently they are not, and you become jealous, possessive, spiteful and vengeful.

d) Not many people manage to rebuild trust, without which your relationship is doomed, unless of course you plan to spend every minute following your partner which is very creepy. Contrary to what some people think, hiring a private detective is not acceptable behaviour nor is it conducive to a loving relationship. Also, when do you stop? After 3 months? A year? You can never be sure again.

It can take a long time to come to terms with your partner's betrayal and often people try to work things out for at least two years. Sadly, many then decide that there is nothing left worth saving and seek a divorce.

Fancy getting married again?

No, this is not a proposal to one of my ex husbands!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Daily Mail

Have published an article about a millionaire who is seeking to purchase a bride. He is neither rich enough nor old enough for the true cheque book babes but he appears genuinely desperate to get married.

He is offering £20,000.00. to a dating agent. Less than the price of his car, I'm sure.

I read his profile and I noticed that he was busier than George Bush!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's a list of some of the reasons why women dump men:

1. He's too busy
2. He's a workaholic
3. He puts the business before the family

Here's an important reason why women reject men at an early stage in courtship:

They want a man who makes them feel special and who wants only them. Not a man who wants somebody, anybody, or in the words of the late great Freddie Mercury "Can anybody find me somebody to love?"

The answer is no, other people can find you a bride, and sadly that bride will probably seek out the services of a divorce lawyer 5 years later (I will do a later blog on short marriages to explain why this date is key).

Only you can find somebody to love for yourself. When some people come out of a divorce they feel empty and desperate for a new relationship. These transition relationships normally don't last because once the pain heals you don't need them any more.

Anyway, my advice to anyone considering marriage is to take out a Pre-Nuptial Agreement, especially if you have purchased your bride!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do you want to divorce me?

There is a review of marriage and divorce in the

Sunday Times

It purports to analyse why people get divorced and what attributes they value in a marriage. Unsurprisingly, marriage is rated as of higher value than cohabitation, but they state that an estimated 2 million couples cohabit in the UK. Why? Probably because most people still consider that marriage is for life and a substantial minority don't want to make that lifelong commitment.

What I found amusing was the 36% of men who started an affair accidentally. How does that happen? When you are parallel parking?

EXAMPLE OF AN ACCIDENTAL AFFAIR

I then remembered a tale of friend of mine related about a male work colleague. They were both social workers and so worked in an empathetic environment. One day she noticed that her work colleague was looking dishevelled and distressed. Being nosey, as well as empathetic, she asked him what was wrong. He confided that his wife's friend had recently divorced and was now living on her own, two doors away from them. The previous evening, his wife had asked him to go round to her friend's house after his evening meal and fix a dripping tap in her bathroom. He duly obliged. Her friend answered the door and asked him to wait downstairs whilst she cleared some mess out of the bathroom. She then called him to follow her. When he entered the bathroom she was standing in front of him completely naked. No doubt he would list that as an affair that started accidentally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Affairs do not start by accident. Even getting totally drunk so that you are unable to resist temptation is a conscious act at the root. Whether the affair, is a symptom, or the cause of a marriage breakdown is the subject of another blog!!!

Happy With Your Christmas Presents?

Dissatisfaction with their Christmas dressing gown which is two sizes too small may make many women long for a more romantic relationship. Alternatively being given a list of exactly what to buy and where may make many men long for the freedom to go out and choose that green velour dressing gown gift for someone new.

Remember when you used to wear unsuitable gifts from your loved one because, well, you loved him/her? Now you feel rage because you mentioned once that you liked Jamie Oliver and now you have the predictability of one of his books every Christmas. What you meant was that he was good looking, you actually hate cooking.

This and many other dissatisfactions which surface over the Christmas break make people contemplate divorce. Contemplate, consider, ponder, dream, wish, visit a solicitor, many people go through mental gymnastics at this time of year but frequently don't know whether they really do want to divorce.

Here's a little test for these people, and it works no matter how rich you are, because nobody wants to reduce their standard of living and it is the unexpected bonus which is the key.

Imagine you win £80 million pounds on the European lottery. Do you :

a) Tell your partner and plan to use the money to sort out your problems together.

b) Tell your partner and let him/her have half.

c) Don't tell your partner.

Your first answer is the true one. If it's a, work on your marriage, if it's b or c at least you now know what you have to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!