Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Change equals fear or excitement - You choose

The fear of change can paralyse some people into staying in an unhappy situation for years.

I am grateful to Rosie Hamilton-McGinty for describing the difference between fear and excitement as parallel lines - like railway tracks.  They are so close and the choice to switch is easy.

Think of a fairground ride - some are terrified and some relish the adrenalin rush. It's the same ride just a different perspective.

Divorce and separation means change and events happening that are out of your control.  You can embrace the change and look forward to a new beginning.  Perhaps a change in career as well as marital status - lots of  people use forced change to implement wanted change as well.

Some people can't cope with the change and sink into depression to avoid facing the future.  Some people are so afraid of change they use emotional blackmail to trap their partner - attempted suicide being the extreme.  Divorce is stressful and painful for everyone.  The first step in dealing with the change of separation, whether the choice is yours or not, is to accept that it is happening.  Accept that you will lose your past life.  Accept that you may be lonely, sad, fed up, lost and alone. Understand that everything changes. No one knows what lies ahead whether married or not.  Something totally unexpected will happen in the next 4 weeks which will change your life.  Mark the date in your diary and then look back in 4 weeks time and note what happened - good or bad that you did not expect.  Isn't that exciting?  We all have that life... do not fear life itself...


Divorce Blogger said...

Personally, I've always tried to inform people that – in accordance with Taoist teachings – every loss comes bundled with gain. This is why I agree with the fact that people need to see the positive side to divorce, least of all the fact that they will be able to start a new life and hopefully find a happy and rewarding relationship.

jason @ personal trainer said...

Mediation should be the step between change and divorce. Sometimes change brings about ideas that what is needed is a complete change not just a small one.

Simon said...

You are right. I think that many people stay in unhappy relationships because they are simply scared of being alone or too weak to leave.
I know a number of people who did this for years and after eventually leaving they were far happier and wished they hadn't wasted all those years.