Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Does Mediation Work?

Yes..... but there is a catch..... only if you both want it to work!!!!

Life has a habit of giving you what you want and desire rules the world and convincing someone to do something they don't want to do is virtually impossible.

How to approach mediation and get what you want from your ex partner.

1. Do not criticise them

2. Use sincere praise - very difficult I know but....

3. Communicate and this means listening more than talking

4. The art of persuasion is simple..... make the other party feel that you genuinely care about them and that you want what is best for them. Work together to achieve a successful joint solution.

I am not good at applying this art but Lincoln was fantastic at it. Copy him not me!!!!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Divorce Solicitors reveal petty goods their clients fight over

There is a lack of celebrity divorces to write about at present.  To fill the gap Nick Britten from The Telegraph has asked divorce lawyers to revel their worst tales....

Not as interesting as you might think... not on a par with suits being cut and expensive wine collections being left on neighbours' doorsteps.

Where emotions run high and the level of acrimony is extreme the combatants are rarely able to move on...  we all know bitter, angry people we prefer to avoid...

Unfortunately, people who come out of divorces with an estranged ex who is full of anger cannot expect that things will settle down...

Real life example:
When a husband left his ex wife he requested 2 wine glasses from their extensive collection.  He was allowed only one which he has yet to collect...
 A sign that there was an objection to him sharing a glass of wine with someone special?
Is it ok for him to have a partner now 4 1/2 years later?
Unfortunately no...
Will it ever be ok?
Probably not....
Does it make any difference if the ex wife gets a boyfriend?
Nobody knows....  

If you feel any emotion apart from relief and sadness at your divorce then it is in your interest to seek professional help to get over any jealousy, anger, hatred or the need for revenge...

Monday, April 16, 2012

What is family Law Arbitration?

Arbitration is now available for Family Law disputes.  It was set up last month by the non profit making Institute of Family Law Arbitrators

What does it do?

It enables couples, in a financial dispute following separation, to achieve a settlement without the need to go to Court but with the certainty that once they sign up to Arbitration the Arbitrator's decision is final...

What are the advantages?

It is more flexible.  It can even be conducted via written statements.  It can cover only one issue if necessary and can take place instead of or even during litigation.

You can choose your Arbitrator - so far only 20 are available on the website but another 20 are qualified and there is a queue for training.

It is private and confidential.  A very important consideration for the super wealthy who do not want their private lives examined in detail in the Daily Mail et al for the sake of "public interest"...

You still need a lawyer each to advise you but it aims to be cheaper and less stressful than Court Proceedings and has the certainty that Mediation and Collaborative Law lack.

What does the Institute of Family Arbitrators say?:
" IFLA developed the arbitration scheme to enable parties to resolve financial disputes more quickly, cheaply and in a more flexible and less formal setting than a court room. It is also expected to save court resources and reduce pressure on the already stretched family courts."

Who will use the scheme?

I have yet to meet a separating couple who are concerned about the Courts' resources but the scheme should appeal to wealthy, separating couples who are used to being in control of their lives and seek a private settlement to their dispute.