Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Is there any divorce news out there?

Most of the news is gloomy.

End of legal aid for many.

Rich divorcing couples told off by judges for squabbling and squandering their money on legal fees.

News of a divorce advice desert.

The death of Margaret Thatcher.

Divorce lawyers blamed for... fill in the gap.

In the middle of all this some people are having to go through divorce.  Not through choice. What should you do?

1.  Make a list of everything that you are worried about.

2. Write down what you want to happen.

3. Research the options

4. Focus on when your life will be better.

My advice:

Anxiety and indecision are debilitating and the best way to reduce your fear of the future is to work out what the options are - worst case and best case and accept that life is about to change.

Get some good legal advice.  You don't have to follow it but at least you know what the limits are.  Choosing not to fight feels better if you know that your chances of success were high but you are more interested in moving on.  Giving in feels better if you know your chances of success are low.

In many situations it is all about emotion.

Guilt, anger, fear, shame, disappointment. Acquiring governance over your emotional state is a skill - and I don't mean burying your emotions as in the stiff upper lip brigade.

I mean recognise and acknowledge how you feel and then control, not suppress it. Your feelings, like everything else, will change.

Only when you can do this are you able to properly focus on dividing everything you thought was yours for life.  It's not easy but the alternative - a life of bitterness, anger and regret is worse.

No comments: