The Unintended Consequences of DIvorce

1. Your children will be hurt

Regardless of their age, disposition or gender your children will be hurt and they will be hurt...........forever. In her excellent book:

Adult Children of Divorce Speak Out

Claire Berman points out that the pain and emptiness that children feel continues into adult life. Death, by contrast, is final.

Recent research into the impact of divorce on adult children of divorce suggests that divorce is the preferred option in abusive relationships but it still impacts badly on children's ability to form relationships in adult life and on their self esteem and achievement. Divorce may be the preferred option but it is still not a good one.

It throws a whole new light on the "staying together for the sake of the children argument". Accepting the collateral damage on your children in order to escape an abusive relationship is one thing, divorcing because you are bored is another......................


To be continued.............................

The Myths of Divorce

I am grateful to Orhan Khan for pointing out the following link:

TOP TEN MYTHS OF DIVORCE

It is written by Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, and whilst some of the myths have not made it across the pond, ie that more divorces are filed by men then women, it still makes interesting reading for anyone contemplating taking the plunge.

My own list:

1. A divorce will solve my problems.

It will not, it will simply change the dimensions, it will provide relief of perhaps your most pressing concerns but it will not sort your life out. The same as losing 2 stone will not make you happy and popular, the job of fixing your life is still yours.

2. My ex husband will have to be responsible now.

Men do not change. If he was late for dinner before, he will be late for picking the kids up after. If the bills were left unpaid before, then expect a problem getting child support out of him now.

3. My ex wife will stop wasting all her money on shoes and clothes now she hasn't got me to pay for it.

Are you mad, women live to shop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Everyone will agree that he/she deserved it and I should have left him/her years ago.

They will not. There is nowt so strange as folk. Your best friend may take his/her side. It really is a time to discover who your true friends are. And as for those friends who try to date your ex........... opinion not suitable for this blog.....but you know who you are............

Blogs of note

OPINIONISTAS

Something to get your teeth into!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This blog is written by a New Yorker, who was a trainee lawyer writing about how tough her life was!!! It is funny and voyeuristic and she has now dropped out of a law career due to the incredible success of her blog and devotes her time to writing. There's a whole big world out there. When you get divorced it can feel that your world is shrinking and you are losing everything you know.....try to expand your horizons and think about something else......a life totally different to your own is a good start on the road to recovery from naval gazing..............................no more what ifs......

Second Wives Club

There is an interesting article in The Guardian about the difficulties of life as a second wife.

There is a website The British Second Wives Club which offers support and advice. Wishing for the moon never works, and expecting life to be perfect when your partner already has commitments is destined to fail. Resenting his past and projecting this into your relationship appears to be the order of the day. Best to choose a younger man without baggage...........

Divorce epidemic amongst over 50s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is an article in The Daily Telegraph that outlines the increasing number of oldies that are getting divorced. Unsurprisingly it is the women who are bringing the marriage to an end, had enough of looking after second rate husbands, more financially independent and wanting more out of life. Oh dear, apparently the divorce rate amongst the over 50s has trebled in the past 10 years.

More pain ahead for ex wives of bankrupts

There is a shocking report in The Daily Telegraph which states that an ex wife of a bankrupt can have her settlement overturned, if her ex husband goes bankrupt within 5 years, even if the settlement was made after consideration of all the factors of the case and a Consent Order was drawn up in the normal way. The reported case states that the transfer of the house to the wife was a transaction at an undervalue, she gave no consideration, apparently she had no periodic payments claim to offset and therefore it can be set aside.

The report claims that this worsens the position for ex wives. However, the trustee in bankruptcy has always had the power to challenge a transaction at an undervalue (such as the transfer of the former matrimonial home) and to challenge a preference (such as a lump sum order). A declaration of solvency is always a good idea at the time of the settlement as this reduces the time period that the trustee can act from 5 to 2 years.

Perhaps, what this case has done has made it easier for a trustee in bankruptcy to establish a transaction at an undervalue and will encourage more trustees to make an application. Previously there was an assumption that an order made after due consideration of the facts of the case was unreachable by a trustee in bankruptcy

The wife's solicitors are appealing and it is estimated that this case will affect 20% of the 120 000 people expected to file for bankruptcy this year.

Divorce and bankruptcy often go hand in hand. If you think your spouse is about to become insolvent it is important to act quickly in an attempt to protect your matrimonial claim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I spy

It has been suggested in the press that there has been an upsurge in people using private detective agencies to spy on their spouse to assist in their divorce proceedings.

THE TIMES

Why bother?

The above article suggests that people seek proof in order to stop their partner lying to them and accusing them of being mad and paranoid. The Catholic church would do well to hire a few detectives to catch out their fornicating priests. Whenever people ask "how could he do this to me?" I use two examples I know of ex priests to show that the flesh is truly weak. After all, if you can lie to God you can lie to anyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.