Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Ethics of Dating During Divorce

People often ask:

“Can I date now that we’ve started divorce proceedings?”

The answer most often is:

“No”

Amicable divorces can be turned into acrimonious divorces overnight if your spouse finds out. At the very least it will complicate financial issues and lead to questions concerning prospective cohabitation. It can also affect the divorce itself, because behaviour after divorce proceedings have commenced is relevant.

Divorce is one of the most traumatic events an adult can go through and as such has an impact on your own, and your spouse’s behaviour. So, even if your spouse has left you for someone else, expect a reaction if you start the dating game yourself. Divorce turns the most rational, fair minded, individual into an irrational twin.

ARE THERE CHILDREN OF THE MARRIAGE?

If so, they will not want to know about any new person in your life. A suitable period of at least six months after the divorce is finalised is fair to them. Do not burden your children, no matter how mature, with your emotional and financial worries. They will not be able to support you in this and their insecurity will be magnified by your confidences. Expect regression and bad behaviour, or worse, the perfectly behaved child desperately trying to make everything right.

WHAT TO DO?

Even if you have met your soul mate (or you think you have) tact, discretion, diplomacy and patience are called for. Explain the circumstances and ask them to wait. Concentrate your efforts on resolving matters with your spouse as quickly and amicably as possible. Then you are free, to do as you please and get back into forging your future.


2 comments:

georgialee lang said...

Hello DivorceSolicitor

I am a family law lawyer from Vancouver and my answer to that question depends on whether the client asking is male or female. To men, I usually say no, because women tend to get very emotional and vindictive about new relationships. To women, I usually say yes, because men more frequently treat it like business i.e. Let's get a deal done so we can both get on with our lives.

Keep up your great blogging.

Georgialee Lang aka lawdiva.wordpress.com

Lynne Bastow said...

That is an interesting point.

Thank you for your kind comment.