The Ethics of Dating During Divorce

People often ask:

“Can I date now that we’ve started divorce proceedings?”

The answer most often is:

“No”

Amicable divorces can be turned into acrimonious divorces overnight if your spouse finds out. At the very least it will complicate financial issues and lead to questions concerning prospective cohabitation. It can also affect the divorce itself, because behaviour after divorce proceedings have commenced is relevant.

Divorce is one of the most traumatic events an adult can go through and as such has an impact on your own, and your spouse’s behaviour. So, even if your spouse has left you for someone else, expect a reaction if you start the dating game yourself. Divorce turns the most rational, fair minded, individual into an irrational twin.

ARE THERE CHILDREN OF THE MARRIAGE?

If so, they will not want to know about any new person in your life. A suitable period of at least six months after the divorce is finalised is fair to them. Do not burden your children, no matter how mature, with your emotional and financial worries. They will not be able to support you in this and their insecurity will be magnified by your confidences. Expect regression and bad behaviour, or worse, the perfectly behaved child desperately trying to make everything right.

WHAT TO DO?

Even if you have met your soul mate (or you think you have) tact, discretion, diplomacy and patience are called for. Explain the circumstances and ask them to wait. Concentrate your efforts on resolving matters with your spouse as quickly and amicably as possible. Then you are free, to do as you please and get back into forging your future.